i used to

Fall came along, and I didn’t hear from you again. I don’t know exactly why, and I don’t know why I didn’t ask either. But I’d walk through the mall and imagine seeing you there, moving swiftly between stores in your Nirvana t-shirt and beanie.

When winter arrived, heavy snow covering the streets and trees, I’d avoid the walk home from work, taking the subway instead. I’d stop by the art supply store, and browse for a while just in case you’d happen to be nearby.

The snow melted once again, spring just around the corner. I’d go to the park, and subconsciously search the groups of friends scattered on the grass, maybe you’d be here too.

I’d spend summer afternoons going to bars with my friends, and I knew you used to come there too. And I didn’t even notice that I looked to the door any time someone walked in. But you never did. I spent so much time looking for you without searching.

I still do, even though you don’t live here anymore.