breeze
And I suddenly felt like you had some mysterious side to you that I didn’t know about. I feel like I’ll feel that way in more ways than just right now.
In that sort of way, like it’s a surprise. I’ve already felt it. There are things you won’t tell me. Of course. Because that’s what we’re like.
But I also know I’m reading between the lines. I’m placing my experiences upon you like an anchor. To weigh you down or to keep you there. I don’t know.
I want to stop. I want to let you drift off like you would, in the soft breeze of our brief encounter. At this point, anything less would be a let down.
then and now
“You weren’t meant to know me then”, she says when I can’t help but feel like I’ve missed out on something.
And I know she’s right. We were worlds apart then, and now we’re only hours apart.
All the parts of her that I love, I know they were there then. I know I would have loved them then.
But maybe I’m the one who has become someone she can love.
matter
I think it’s just that feeling of waking up next to you and it would be safe to be there, bad breath and puffy eyes, but you would ask me how I slept and I would be okay even if I hadn’t slept at all.
Or the playfulness of an afternoon, like how there would be no expectations outside of what I had actually done. The celebrations of achievements, as if nothing really mattered and our truth was the truest truth.
Or how all my ideas were somehow great ideas, no matter how silly - and so the freedom to have more was unlimited. You’d encourage me no matter what I’d say, because you wanted to do anything too.
Everything was an adventure, not because we made it an adventure but because it just felt that way. Because there were no limits. Because anything could happen. Because everything that mattered was you and I.
sleep
I mean, it’s a strange feeling to miss something so taken for granted. We all sleep. And we all spend hours of meaningless time watching Netflix or play our ukuleles, we read fictional tales or study the topics of our current interest. We go to the gym or ignore going to the gym completely.
But only after you go to sleep. When you sleep, all your sins are washed away. Did you draw on the floor today instead of your colouring book? Did you throw your penguins on the floor so they cracked open? Did you make a fuss about dressing or undressing? Did you refuse to eat your breakfast or dinner? Yes you probably did. But then, when I picked you up, you wrapped your hands around my neck so hard, the way you just learned how to. And I asked you to do it again, because mommy loves it when you do that. And you did. Then I said to prepare for brushing your teeth, and you ran to the sink for the first time, and what did I ever do to deserve such a child?
I watch you sleep on the monitor, bundled up in your favourite blanket that grandma let you take home with you, and you look so peaceful. I could probably use some more sleep, but watching you seems important somehow.
introvert
“You have another quality that no one knows about”, he said with a triumphant smile. She hadn’t ever heard him speak of any quality she had, let alone a secret one. She was curious now, and so were the others gathered around the small table.
He leaned in, but just kept smiling as if he wasn’t ever going to tell. “Well, I’m curious now.” she said and laughed. Fred, who was sat in the middle of them had an amused expression as his eyes moved between the two. “Do you want to know what it is?” he teased. Everyone was suddenly in on the conversation, all ears. “You have a great voice. It’s one of those voices that make you feel safe and warm, and you could just listen to it forever.”
She laughed. “That was the last thing I expected you to say.” She shook her head and raised her glass in a toast. He leaned across Fred. “It’s just one of those things where you want to curl up in your lap and listen to you tell stories all night.” he said.
“Well, I do know Brown Bear by heart, so I’ll recite it to you whenever you’d like.” she said, smiling. Good compliments are hard to come by.