summer

Maybe if I passed your house frequently enough, I’d be able to get a glimpse of you through the window while you were trying to decide what to wear even though I know you’re not going anywhere. And never mind the fact that I don’t actually know where your house is exactly. I know it’s somewhere around here, so I’ll just hop off this tram and take a walk around the block a few times.

Is this your block?

Maybe if I ask you if you need anything, some juice or vitamins, maybe then you’d invite me in - never mind the fact that you don’t really know me at all.

I daydream about these unexpected meetings that we’ll have when I pass by and you wave and then I say clever things, although I’m not really sure what those things would be. But it makes me smile. And I’m not sure why.

I skip work so I can spend the afternoon nearby, I have this alibi and all I want is to see you for a minute or two even if you won’t talk to me. You sit close by and I try to remember those clever things I was supposed to say but then I never came up with anything so I look away when you smile, my cheeks burning for some reason.

We’re sat in the park pavilion, talking about life loudly and things emerge from my mouth in the attempt to impress you with my wordliness only to throw me into an internal frantic state of panic when I realise I'm lost in words.

When you disappear from the dance floor for a minute or two, I pretend that I’m not looking for you and I pretend I’m not jealous when my eyes find you in the company of someone else.

I sit down in the middle of a group of people I don’t know, talking loudly to distract myself from this need to be around you and when the night comes to an end I walk out the door and let out a little laugh in relief, I can retreat and regroup and get myself together.

“Afterparty?”

Oh.

As the city outside is melting in the summer heat, we spend the night cooling off on the floor in my living room talking about everything and anything and as the hours pass by and our words fill the room my hand accidentally touches yours and there’s a sudden quiet.

Maybe we should get some sleep.